operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
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