How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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