I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
