i'm lost and i look like a hooker
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
