Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
one might say we're banned from that church
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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