I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
