I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
