Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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