I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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