There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
