No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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