So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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