Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize