I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
