Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize