i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize