Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
