Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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