I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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