just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
