This girl is more easily done than said...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
