eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize