Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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