No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
