I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
