i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
