we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You don't make any sense
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