I love black thongs
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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