im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
