Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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