I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
