The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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