Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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