You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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