I have demons in me.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Randomize
