Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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