I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
