I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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