here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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