made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
