he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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