Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize