he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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