watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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