there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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