this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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