just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
