I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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