Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
