She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize