I think I won the penis lottery.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
