If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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