; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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