im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
