I think I died a long time ago.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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