im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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