she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
