He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
