Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
