The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She told me I should be a condom model.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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