Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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