Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
