Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.

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(443): View more from Maryland

yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism

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(631): View more from New York

She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.

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(+49): View more from Germany

Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays

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(904): View more from Florida

This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.

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(209): View more from California

I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack

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