Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
