Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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