So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
