ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
