is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
