Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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