sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
