The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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