Soap is not a condiment
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
