I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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