Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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