i jhust puked up my retainher.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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