8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
