I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
